A Bit of Gossip
by the archduke
Summary: “I’d only go gay for one girl.” Carly/Sam. Sort of.


A/N: I've got a lot of free time on my hands. I wrote this story in between my two daily naps. I've made slacking off into an art form.

Disclaimer: Don't own.

"A Bit of Gossip"

by: the archduke

Sam wasn't sure why she was sitting in the half-car. Like playing with bows and arrows or messing with Gibby, it was probably boredom. Carly was there too, braiding little pieces of her hair over and over again as Sam worked her way through a turkey club. Turkey and bacon, double stacked. Yum.

She didn't mind silence, especially while eating. She and Carly had spent too much time together over the years to be forced into making small talk. Gossip, however, was always welcomed.

"You know who I caught making out in the girls' bathroom by the cafeteria?" Sam asked around a mouthful of sandwich.

"Who?" Carly said, her eyes crossing a bit while she tried to braid that bit of hair that always fell into them.

Sam paused a moment, not for dramatic effect but to swallow her bite. "Tareen and Valerie."

That got Carly's attention. "What!" she practically yelled, eyebrows going up her forehead as they tended to when she was surprised.

"Yeah, I know!" Sam responded. "Tareen could do so much better than that skunkbag. Sure she's annoying, but Valerie? Ugh."

Carly gave Sam a confused look. "But, they're both girls! I didn't know Tareen was, you know." Carly waved her hands in the air as if to convey the words she couldn't quite say.

"What, gay?" Sam said. "Don't know that she is. Maybe she just wanted to make out and Valerie was the closest person. I didn't stick around to ask, 'so you guys dykes, or what?'"

"Sam, don't use that word. It's not nice." Carly chastised.

"I use it with love." Sam wasn't sure what she meant by that, but it sounded like a good comeback.

Carly sat back into the car seat, staring straight ahead. "Wow. Tareen and Valerie. Crazy."

Sam just shrugged and turned back to her turkey club, thoughts of teenage maybe-lesbians leaving her mind . A couple of minutes passed while Sam finished her sandwich and Carly must have been thinking, because she suddenly blurted out, "Have you ever thought about it?"

Sam turned to Carly, whose face was flushed. "What?"

Carly darted her eyes towards Sam then back again. "Kissing. A girl."

"Sure." And it was true. They (her mom, Carly, various government authorities) made her go to school for eight hours a day. Sleeping and scheming took up only so much time. The rest she spent thinking. From food, to people she'd like to make out with, to how awesome it would be if lasers shot out of her eyes, she let her mind wander. Kissing girls had come up once or twice.

Carly's head turned to her so fast that Sam was afraid she'd gotten whiplash. She saw Carly swallow. "Are you, a, you know? " There was only curiosity in her voice.

"Nah." Sam said as she put her feet up on the dashboard of the car as she slouched in her seat. Carly seemed to have trouble with certain words that day. "I'd only go gay for one girl."

A beat passed before Carly spoke. "Is it m-me?" She stuttered out.

Sam threw her head back against the car seat and laughed. It was the sort of laugh that went on and on until she clutched her belly in pain. "Uh, I just ate." she got out as she caught her breath.

"What's so funny?" Carly asked in indignation. "I think that was a pretty logical question. I am your best friend, after all."

Sam finally got her laughter under control. "Yeah, and going out with you would be like going out with my mom. Weird and gross." Sam gave a shudder.

Carly twisted in the seat so that she was fully facing Sam. She looked offended. "Weird and gross? You'd be lucky to have me as your girlfriend, Sam Puckett! Luck-y." She punctuated the last two syllables by poking Sam's shoulder twice with her index finger.

Sam rubbed at the poked area. "Hey, chill. All I'm saying is that you're, like, my sister. It'd be like making out with a relative. My family is messed up, but not that messed up."

Carly didn't seem totally mollified. "Fine." A pause. "Who is it then? The 'girl you'd go gay for,'" she asked in a mocking tone.

"Rachel Braunstein." Sam replied without hesitation.

"Who?"

"She's in the grade below us. Her dad owns a deli. A deli, Carly," Sam repeated just to let Carly know how important that revelation was. "She always smells like processed meat." Sam's face had that look that was usually reserved for when she thought about food.

Carly guessed it now also applied to when Sam thought about girls who smelled like food.

Sam continued. "And do you know what her mom does?" Sam didn't wait for Carly to respond. "She's the Fatcakes distributor for the westside. Fatcakes and a deli! I'm thinking that girl might be my soulmate." This was said in all seriousness.

Carly just shook her head. "Sam, you are so shallow. And predictable."

Sam's head snapped back in indignation. "Hey, I'd treat her right. I'd take her out and buy her things and do stuff to her. As long as I got meat and Fatcakes in return."

"If you weren't my best friend, there's a few names I'd call you right about now." Carly turned back to face the front of the car and resumed her hair braiding. "I still think I'd make a better girlfriend," she grumbled as she worked.

Sam continued looking at her. She twisted her lips in thought and came to a conclusion. "I'll prove to you that us together would be weird." She then grabbed Carly's face with her hands and pulled as she leaned into her startled friend.

Sam had kissed a few boys since her moment of insanity with Freddie a couple of years ago (as she liked to call it). She knew she didn't like it when guys would smash their lips against hers or slobber all over her, so she didn't do that with Carly. She simply kissed her best friend, using light pressure on Carly's upper lip and keeping her tongue in her own mouth. She was only trying to make a point, not steam up the car's nonexistent windows.

It was the first kiss she had ever initiated, because while she was aggressive in some aspects of her life, she wasn't in all of them. It was a bit of a surprise when she felt Carly kiss her back, a slight tugging at her bottom lip and then the tip of Carly's tongue in the same place. It was a good kiss, but Sam was beginning to get a bit worried because Carly wasn't responding like she had thought she would. She was about to pull back when she felt Carly stop kissing her. Sam let her hands drop.

It seemed that Sam did know Carly as well as she had thought, because Carly pulled back with a worried expression on her face. "Sam, why do your hands smell like barbecue sauce?"

Sam held in a relieved sigh. "Remember, we had barbecue for dinner."

"That was three days ago," Carly said in a flat voice.

Sam shrugged. "I like the smell. So I haven't bothered to scrub."

Carly jumped out of the car and made her way to the studio door. "Gross Sam! Now I have to go wash my face. Three days without washing your hands? You're disgusting!"

Sam followed her with a smile on her face. "I told you so! How are we supposed to make out if you can't even kiss me!" Sam made it to the studio door just in time to see Carly disappear down the steps. A moment later Freddie appeared.

Freddie looked down the steps, presumably at Carly, then to Sam. His eyes were wide.

"Fredward," she said with a slight nod. She really didn't want to know if he had heard them, so she just went back into the studio without waiting for him to speak.

Freddie stood there. "Kissing? Making out?" he whispered. He looked at the stairs again, then back to the studio door. A smile stretched his face. "Awesome."

**A/N 2**: Freddie's cameo just sort of sneaked in there.


End file.
